19th
Camron’s repression and the G.O.P
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During his heyday, rapper Cam’ron dressed like the wife of a Russian oligarch. His lyrics were equally flamboyant: he made up cutesy little words (“that rooty, tooty, fruity, louie, what I usually do” - Crunk Muzik) and broke into french when complimenting his fellow crew-members (“Jim Jones c’est c’est bon, Santana magnifique” - I’m Ready). It didn’t take long for rumors to abound that Cam’ron and his Diplomats were a gang of homosexuals.
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Cam’ron was incensed by all the scurrilous innuendo. For some reason, however, he couldn’t stop himself from saying and doing things that helped it proliferate. The branching out of the internet made it increasingly difficult for him to control his image. His words took on a life of their own (they were so easy to misinterpret!). At night, he sometimes found himself thinking about Sisqo, whose spectacular recording career fizzled out amongst rumors of queerness. He couldn’t go out like that. Not now. He’d come too far.
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But what could he do? He could hardly issue heterosexual clarifications after every suspicious statement. Or could he? His eureka moment came in a bubble bath. “No homo!” he cried triumphantly, drowning out (diagetic) orchestral music. It was so short, so wieldy, so catchy, so musical. “No homo” left no room for misunderstanding.
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The phrase soon became his trademark. He found that it afforded him hitherto unimaginable wriggle room. He encouraged rival performers to “suck a dick” and then neutralized that statement with a casual “no homo”. When his right hand man Jim Jones unwillingly dropped a veritable gay bomb in a freestyle, Camron defused it thusly:
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I mean, it isn’t about being gay it’s about saying something gay. Jim Jones said “Imma beat you with that ‘til all the white stuff come out of it”. That’s wild homo! He told someone else that. No homo. He ain’t tell me that. You see what I mean? That’s a perfect example.
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Camron’s career slowed down in the years that followed. He directed and starred in several straight-to-youtube feature films (notably Killa Season, which opens with Cam urinating on another man over a contested dice game). Desperate for attention, he wrote a song mocking Jay-Z for his old age and poor dress sense (“How’s the king of New York rockin’ sandals with jeans? Open-toed sandals with chancletas with jeans on?”). Denied a response, he took aim at 50 Cent (more specifically, 50’s lack of physical beauty: “you look like a gorilla with rabbit teeth - Bugs Monkey”). Somehow, Cam’ron managed to emerge from all those catfights with his heterosexual reputation in tact.
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Given the “success” of the “No Homo” campaign, it’s surprising that insta-fixes of this kind haven’t caught on in campaign politics. Members of the Republican party have difficulty repressing their inclinations (racist), and, like Cam’ron, the Freudian slips they let slide present an obstacle to their future success (electoral). If the republicans hope to remain a viable political party well into America’s colorful future, they need a catchy insta-clarification to follow every revealing gaffe. “No Xeno”, perhaps. Or “no xeno-phobo”, come 2030.
Favorite part of that Hot 97 interview comes after the bit quoted above, because of which words Cam decided to emphasize for some reason: “This isn’t even about being gay, this is about saying something gay.”
In college I think our consensus favorite twist on it was “I’m a turtle, no slow-mo.” Also “I love to drink things that are usually eaten, no Go-gurt.”
